The crummy spring morning

Forgive me...this post will be rambling.  This morning I'm just feeling very bleah.  For two mornings this week, my younger daughter played donkey.  She wasn't getting dressed.  She wasn't putting on shoes.  She wasn't brushing teeth.  She dug in her sweet little heels and did a full refusal on getting ready for school.

I wish, so very much, that I had some infinite supply of patience and great, logical tools to deal with such bouts of resistance.  Instead, I got from asking, to instructing, to insisting, to demanding, to yelling, to feeling like I want to cry.  Mornings should be filled with a gentleness and soft voices.  It's my time to get my girls ready to start their day over at the big elementary school.  It's a time I am protective of and I HATE it when it goes badly. 

My husband took the girls to school and I insisted that he walk our younger daughter in.  It breaks my heart to send her out of the car with a big, red, crying face.  I stayed behind listing all of my failures.  Why do moms do this?  I should get her up earlier so there's less of a time crunch.  There was an issue of one last piece of homework that needed to get done.  I shouldn't have let that happen.  She was tired because she went to bed a little late.  My fault. 

Two of my friends are teachers and they said this is the time of year they dread.  The kids have spring fever.  They're ready for summer.  Consistently behavior declines and frustration rises.  Maybe that's what we're experiencing.  In fact, my older daughter is having issues on the playground for the first time. 

As the weather warms and afternoons stay lighter longer, the tendency is to relax.  Instead, I believe I should get more structured just to hold this ship together through our remaining weeks of school.   Early bedtimes, early rises, all homework done immediately following school, outfits picked out the evening before for the next day...  At least when we have another crummy morning I'll feel like I did everything I could to prevent it.  Hmph.  I can only hope my little cherub is having a good day and I'm the only one sitting around with a heavy heart.

Phase out the phrase

I don't know why, but I've grown super annoyed with the phrase "date night."  It's feels so cutesy and patronizing.  It stems from every stupid parenting magazine that encourages us to reconnect with our mates by scheduling a "date night".  Yeah...wanna know how my husband likes to reconnect with me?  In an effort to keep a PG-13 rating, I'll gloss over the experience.  Sure we like to go out to dinner, maybe a movie, perhaps for a few drinks, and we even enjoy a nice walk on the beach.  But it feels so ridiculous to pretend we're dating.  So urge others...please stop using the phrase "date night".  Sure, you'll get those sappy responses to your Facebook status, "Awwww...you kids have fun." but I will secretly think you sound ridiculous no matter how sophisticated you may actually be.

Another phrase I'm trying to eradicate is "man cave".  If you're the male in the house and want a room for your xBox, huge flat-screen TV, tools, toys, porn, whatever, that's cool.  Enjoy it with blessings.  Just please don't lower your position on the evolutionary scale by calling it a "man cave".  One friend mentioned liking the term, "media room."  For some reason that reminds me of something that exists at the NBC studios.  That's probably, technically, a media center.  Who knows and who cares - just don't call it a cave.

My friends (and I) added a few more phrases that have to go.   Enjoy!

"It is what it is." -  Profound.  A friend says this is said by a woman when she's pointing out there's nothing you can do to fix the situation.  I suggest it always be followed by, "So what the hell are you going to do about it now?"

"Nothing for nothing" -  This one makes little sense to me.  True - rarely do you get something for nothing.  But I pretty frequently get nothing for nothing.

"To boot" -  I've heard this one when someone adds something to any given conversation in a way that indicates, "on top of it."  To boot is like the cherry on the sundae, I guess.  I'd rather have a cherry, than a boot.  Unless, of course, it looks something like this.

"Honey-do list" -  Unless there's an actual melon somewhere it's simply called a "to-do list".  And in our house, there's little sugar-coating it with a "honey".  My list is long too, buddy.

"Man-date" - This is one I wasn't familiar with, but evidently it refers to the time men spend together.  I suspect the "man-date" is a phrase used fairly exclusively in the married circle.  I couldn't see one of my single guy friends thinking humorously of such an expression.  So let's separate ourselves from the term "date" and more towards something more along the lines of "meeting" or "visit".  Sound good?

If you've got one to add, lay it on me!

GoDanica.com

I have a bee in my bonnet today, inexplicably.  What's aggravating me right now is how Danica Patrick, accomplished IRL driver and newbie NASCAR driver, is forced to use her sexuality in advertising when no other (male) driver is put in that same situation.  Let start this rant by saying, for all I know, she sought out her Go Daddy sponsorship and was the mastermind behind their campaign of Go Daddy Girls.  If that's the case, good for her.  If she did not, it's so gross, especially since there's a distinct Mark Martin absence in this marketing effort.

Let me describe to you the commercials we'll never see from her male counterparts. 

Imagine a steaming shower.  In it is a, presumably, nude Carl Edwards with his magnificent upper body, pimping out body wash.  How about Jamie McMurray selling me beer and he's shirtless whilst tailgating in the sun?  Or maybe we could convince Kasey Kahne to do a suggestive little video series for just about anything that leads me to a website that sells whatever, and lets meet see more of him in compromising positions, exposing skin not otherwise seen while he's suited up for a race.  How 'bout that?  Because, correct me if I'm wrong, the fastest growing demographic of NASCAR fans isn't men.  So why is Danica portrayed in such a ridiculous way?

And for the record, I went to my first race in 1994 and have been to 20+, so I'm not among the rookies, trying to change the way it's always been.  Those people get on my nerves.  :-p

Does Craigslist sometimes make you nuts?

I'm so frustrated.  Why do some Craigslist shoppers want you to give them your stuff?  I've got a fabulous jogging stroller for sale, barely used, and listed for less than 50% of retail.  There is zero wear, other than a little dirt on the wheels.  It's a piece of gear a family could bring on, use for years, and still sell it for $75 when they're done.  So why is it that I keep finding people who want to pay me $50 for it?  I love the defense, "Well other people are selling theirs for $35."  Yeah...I sold a stroller once for $15 too, but that's because it was beat up!  If you want something as close to new as possible, you have to pay for it.  Ay yi yi!

Dear Craigslist shoppers, thank you for your interest.  I really do appreciate it.  I never mind answering your questions. I don't even mind meeting you so you can see the stroller before agreeing to purchase it.  I believe this is all very reasonable of me.  Please offer me the same courtesy and offer a price that's realistic, show up at the time and location we agreed and don't make me uncomfortable by trying to haggle on the spot.

With that all said, I love Craigslist.  I wish I could get my butt in gear and move more stuff out the door!  :-)

Searching for a MFF...not to be confused with MILF

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Is it fever-reducer or blood-infused vomit? You decide.

I sent my husband to the drug store to get a new bottle of children's acetaminophen.  Since the Tylenol recalls, we've been using generics and I assumed that's what he would come home with.  Instead, he bought Triaminic's new product, which, much my to sarcastic delight is red. 

Dear Triaminic

When you make your product that shade of deep red I'm immediately concerned about two things.  1.  How much dye did you use?  That can't be good for anyone.  2.  How am I supposed to determine if my daughter's vomit contains your medication or blood?

Birds, bees, and when they touch themselves

I always thought I was a cool mom.  Looking ahead to when my daughters ask about the birds and the bees, I didn't panic.  You just tell them the truth right?  The mechanics aren't anything to be embarrassed about.  My focus would be 50% physiology and 50% relationships.  It's important to me to convey the merits of a relationship that would warrant sex. 

Yeah...that was all true until I saw someone share this video.   In it, Dr. Laura Berman guides a mom through talking with her tween daughter about sex.  Being blunt, I can't imagine talking to my daughter about her clitoris and how it's normal to touch around to see what feels good.  I hadn't anticipated a discussion about masturbation.  Yikes!  You know darn well that ten seconds after you tuck your baby in at night and kiss her head the exploration will begin.  Not that there's anything wrong with it, I'm just not as cool as I thought.  I'm squeaming. 

I know self-exploration is normal.  I know it's healthy.  I know there's nothing wrong with it.  I just have a hard time saying, "now that you know, have at it".  Am I nuts?